After last night, I could never be a politician.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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