so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
