Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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