well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize