I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
