I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
