u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Can you bring me the toilet please
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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