Quick, to the slutcave!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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