i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
