Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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