he thought i was a dude.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
