Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
