There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
