I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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