Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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