Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
