I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It's rum buckets o'clock
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
