and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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