I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
