I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
