There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
