I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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