your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
