Sponge bath it is.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
