Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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