I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
