i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
