I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
