There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
