i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
