3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I have fence marks all over my body
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize