I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
