my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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