im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
