either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
