If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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