I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
