Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
