I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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