Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Randomize
