the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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