Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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