Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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