Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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