the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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