you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
