just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize