i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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