just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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