apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
