"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
