she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
