There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
