I think I died a long time ago.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
