Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
