Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
