I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
