The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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