We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
