my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
