I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
