if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
