mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
