i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
zippers are such a cool invention
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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